This sucks

I feel so terrible.

In some ways, worse than when I lost the job.

But really, I should be happy.

I tried.

Both the job and getting it back. Really, I did nothing wrong. If someone else did what I did, I'd be happy for them.

But I feel so ashamed of myself. And so guilty.

I feel like someone hit me.

Not a good experience when I'm about to go and disclose my madness to my advisor.

i'm so ashamed i can barely speak.

but you know this. you feel this.

at least i imagine you do.

and all those others who want me to be responsible.

well...
they're right.

but good god damn. and i don't know why they don't ban me for this