Started writing for an arts blog

Well, I sent my introduction post. Tried to be funny. Made me laugh.

I always feel anxious when I post like this. Don't know why. It's not like it really matters anyway. Not letting down all my adoring fans--not that I mind when people stumble across this and look.

But I feel so self-conscious. I was hoping that being anonymous would make it easier, and I suppose writing is possible because it's anonymous, yet it's not as easy as I hoped. I feel anxious.

Adwords and Paranoia

Hi.

I think that I'm going to start blogging on this arts website. I know--I haven't been too consistent posting here, but they require a certain number of posts a week, and maybe having homework will get me into better habits here and there.

The thing that gets me is the guy who runs the blog wants me to set-up an Adwords account. Fine. But he wants my password, which makes me nervous.

Do you think that's sketchy?

off ativan and other difficulties

I screwed up my insurance, because I didn't register until just yesterday.

An emergency loan I thought I'd paid came back to haunt me. But I only had to go three places before I found the right one, and they let me differ the loan until my student loan comes in. Soon, I hope.

I am bouncing back from difficulties earlier, trying to tackle things early. With limited success.

Facing demons--it's useful, I suppose just from a practical point of view, but it does make life easier, but it doesn't make me feel better, only worse.

I'm getting the picture of how fracked-up my life is. All the things I've ignored and screwed up for so long.

I'm beginning to see how it's been years I've struggled with myself. Years I've lost just trying to get back to where I was before I was diagnosed.

It really took a lot out of me and I should be honest about it.

Grad school and bipolar have been like a one-two hit--a combination that's really put me back.

Staggering now, I hope there's still time left in this fight to win. But I've lost too many rounds.

And I feel ambivalent about this post, though I am beginning to realize things about myself.

Absence

Doesn't always make the heart grow fonder.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. What can I say--I could say I've been busy, but that'd be a lie.

I went away with the family around Christmas and it was surprisingly stress free--aside from the travel.

Schoolwork is going better. I've been reading in blocks. Twenty to thirty minutes on and then a break. Got it from The Now Habit--a pretty good book on procrastination.

My system is in shambles. Haven't gotten back on that horse in a while. Been concentrating on schoolwork and school admin stuff. What a pain.

Sorry this post sucks. Just trying to get back into the habit.