i keep worrying

worrying that my family will find this.

they say you only have to give nine markers and you are identifiable. i've given off more than that.

who else is single, manic-depressive, abuses substances (wine and beer today), is organized via gtd, broke, lonely.

well, here's to you should you figure it out.

Days off

Took a couple of days off from blogging.

Needed to unplug, get away (of sorts).

Mostly successful. Saw some movies, read, just relaxed. Alone, which was nice.

Aside from locking myself out again yesterday.

But all is well. Brother had the spare set. Good seeing him, even if only for a few minutes.

Saw psychiatrist--no big changes, just tweaking the meds. wanted to start on abilify, but no dice. not stable enough yet. Maybe in 5 weeks.

Saw psychologist, Jeffery. Good man, that one.

Talked about the job loss and strategies. Going to the union first. I'm in good standings, and what I hope is they can file a greavence and that will keep it going for a couple of days.

I just want to make things difficult for him.

God, how upsetting.

mania has its good side

voiceless.

in the times, he was one, one of the many

alone like them all.

impossible.

just so many left, alone.

this is getting programmatic.

problematic, really.

and the influence, undertow.

left late and lonely,

even failure a success.

when the times decree.

uncertain--whether novel or dribble.

heads up, kick ball.

discipline required--hard hat zone.

again, uncertain

"i just can't tell what's good anymore"

say it again, brother

so borred

don't quit know what to do with myself.

best clean and shelve. so many books.

haven't seen my little friends in a while--the roommates, cockroaches.

now, don't be like that. almost every place i've lived, since home, has had them.

the joys of student life.

knowing you're never alone.

this life.

so lonely.

and i know i dump alot of shit on you.

well. that's how it is.

you're alone, even in a sexual relationsip.

but i feel it at the moment. islands. i just wish there were juniper.

undsoveiter. ad nausium. en ho logos. per chsitom dominum et...

vaya con dios.

et totalium los allii, pero , lo siento, de nada de nadna. da todos los playas el quealque ego nos vostrum... que tengo la lengua? adonde, quos ego. it's all in sinu.

sinus. fold therefor thrinity. lap. harbor. sail

thus endeth the lesson.