it ssucks.

if te union thing doesn't work out.

another semester. probably another year without funding. without healtcare.

paying fordrugs out of my pocket.


hand to mouth.

begging for money.

not that i'm not used to it.

but to get hopes of freedom so high.

dashed.

and even if it works, it's a matter of time before they find a way of deleting me perminantly.

but it's my best shot.

so i have to take it.

But what doesn't

loosing funding. unstructured depression. loosing a girl you've known for years and dated for six months. batshit crazy psycho-obsessive-girl-you-dated-for-a-little-while stalking you, friend of ten years flipping out at you on your birthday, in public, causing the girl you've known for years and just started dating to leave you (who can blaim her). mom freaking out at you and accusing you of ruining her golden years. finding a job that might lead to a career out of the school rat race only to loose it again, unexpectedly.

All these things fade away with drink.

But what doesn't, loosing an idea.

I was out at the bodega, and had a brilliant post.

now gone.

That'll fuck you up, no matter how drunk you are.

I just lost my job

There goes funding, tuition and healthcare.

And the doubts crawl in. Am I kidding myself? Will I ever earn a degree?

And the thought of not finding another position. After a search. After so much disappointment.

I mean, I can't even spell.

And another year without a position. So much debt, for what?

No vacation now.

Permanent vacation.

I don't think I can go on unemployment while in school.

But i'm going to give it the old college try.

But i'm afraid.