on the smoking habbits of queens

if you look hard, are lucky and patient, you can find the cigarette butts of your favorite kind of tobacco. i don't mean brand--that's too much to ask for, but menthol or regular.

and the variety of brands surprised me. malboro lights i expected, but parlerments? and of course reds, camels, newports, the usual characters

and that's not even the improbable ones: american spirit, lucky strike filters (haven't seen those in years), kents (what my therapist smokes), djarums, merits, benson & hedges, rollies, malboro menthol, the odd european or russian, just to name a few.

and as long as no one says anything to me, i don't feel the burn of shame.

but what it leaves me with, besides the odd smoke, is sorrow.

recalcatrant

it's a choose your own adventure. in a way. whichever way the wind's blowing.

as long as you're blowing.

oh.

and how soon it fails.

though, even self-indulgent, there's just that touch of the other.

and since i haven't gotten all lacian on you lately. it's the big one.

looking for an analyst. of the lacanian variety. if you can find it, it's in this city.

but i'm strictly bridge and tunnel.

manhatta's dead.

samson

`So, i've been smoking this peter shokkere tobac and it's pretty damn fine.

but i ran out.

and i knew i would.

just felt a little bit lazy and the tobacconist (you have to understand the neighborhood i live in-it's wild. my brother and i went out to a romaninan place (forgive me if i'm repeating myself) and got two beers, two appetizers and two entrees for $30 (the food's good) and earlier there my sister and i ate there and she said it was the best trout she'd ever had--and she lives in manhattan).

so the tobacconist has thia smoke wich goes for $7.50, and the leftover i have is samson which goes for $9.50 and it's shit.

but i'm smoking it. because it's what i got.

dinner

so, meeting the brother man for dinner. he's coming here, actually.

we're going to hit this korean place down the road. awesome. they do barbeque, but over real wood, not gas.

i don't know why, but i feel the need to be totally honest here. i guess it has something to do with being anynomous, and we all put up with so much bs out there in the world, so many lies.

Anyway, i don't know how well i succeed. but i try.

anyway, hope you're well and talk soon.

Well, not quite

Unless you mean psychically, on the astral plane or something, I'm still here. Queens sweet Queens.

So I didn't make it. Ipod died. Can't take long trip without tunes.

So I'm home. Just finished watching stupid movie and cannot describe how I feel, that that i feel remarkable or anything. Just bored and something else--Weltschmerz(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weltschmerz)--

Well, don't exactly know. Know I'm hunger, but not sure going to eat. Maybe drink it out.

It's odd having the phone off. Part of me wants to keep it off--afraid of what messages (or no messages) it may contain. But it seems odd that society expects us to be constantly on call like that. The phone interrupts us and we gladly stop and answer, no matter what we're doing. And we pay for that. Totally inexplicable. Wonder if bell knew what kind of hell he was unleashing upon the earth. ahoy-hoy.

Well, you can't do that with a moneygram.

And now, all this time before I have to go to work, not that that has anything to do with what i'm saying. Did I mention i know how to say non sequitor in 37 languages, and non of them are english?