that first pull on bud, that first pull on the peter stokkebye, that first text from the phone... starting to feel human again.
reminds me, once heard from a grey beard re:fucking up while teaching, "it humanizes ya"
well, the humiliation of being in a capitalist world, walking up and down the isles of plenty, having a few nickles to scratch together, but amounting to nothing... it humanizes ya. humiliates ya. it's between the two deaths--yes, you're alive, but for all intents and purposes, you're dead.
sort of the inverse of the soviet system.
i found a stash of drugs. kept me like human. only went a couple of days off the meds.
maybe doc and i can talk about abilify.
imagine i will before that hearing friday.
haven't been hitting the ativan, things have cooled since the summer. and it will feel good not to sleep as long as humanly possible.
shit, i could sleep right now.
i know this post's all over the place.
but i got things to do.
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