Psychotherapist says I'm in the right demographic--youngy(ish), male, mental health problems. He can be a comforting guy.
But it's not serious. It's like a phantasy. To get away from it all. Like hitting the reset button on life.
It's not going to happen. You have to live. You have no choice.
And things aren't really that bad. I'm not in terrible physical pain. My family loves me. I have tallents. People sometimes think I'm smart or caring or interesting, or helpful. Sometimes I'm even considered thoughtful.
Deep down, I'm greatful to be alive. I've seen and done and felt wonderful things. Seen great beauty, tremendous acts of kindness, humor in great abundance.
I've had wondeful moments in life. I've loved my life at different times and I've felt greatly valued--loved even. I know I'm loved right now. I know people would do anything to help me.
I need to articulate and to ask for what I need. But I don't want to talk about that just yet. I want to continue to get out of myself, to continue to express how thankful I am for this world.
To have been given a chance to experience it. To be a part of it. To help create some of the beauty and kindness and genorousity and love. These things are the greatest miracles of the world.
To be a part and to make a difference. To witness others doing the same. To feel the same love, always unique and always the same. To see and to be and to love and to be loved, all the same and part of the same that we share even with the animals.
To be able to give and to take. And more, to give and to take in sharing. To create something more than the sum of the parts. To live.
To live the same life as others and to be unique and to share the samness of being unique.
To overstep and be forgiven. To have the gift of forgiving others.
