Cut-ups

The question is: where to put one's foot?

At such moments

I heard in myself something

Like a tocsin, a strange admonition:

``In this world, progress is for our descendants alone.''

In myself, I began reproducing the person I wanted to see.

Gray is all Theory

Unless perhaps in dreams

In the rhythmics of slumber

Where words by turns spurr on conversation

And symptoms of technology are not accepted

Everything had changed by effect of a single conviction

And their contempt for us will have no end on the worlds to come

Who begins to write with me

The great dice game of existence?

Men could enter, but air could not

Men had replaced the prehistoric water

Where violence organizes itself into a scene

And shades of erotic meaning in a woman's hat are virtually incalculable

The spontaneous impulses of the individual sensiblility

Bores the ordinary man more than the cosmos

Which is the emphatic and aligned

Business knows how to make use of the threshold

With the aid of electric light

So good so far

Today has been at least as productive as yesterday.

It was all I could do to clean the bathroom and straighten up. But that made it easier to mop and clean the kitchen this morning. And I've read a tiny bit.

If this keeps up, I may even do a clean system sweep, and then I'll be able to log the painful details.

Maybe it will be inspiring.

One thing I'm thinking of doing is keeping discipline over my projects list. Only keeping the things that actually need doing on it, for this week. Then keeping the some-day list big and reviewing it weekly, so that I (hopefully) move things over when I've accomplished something.

Wish me luck!

Tips and Tricks

What do you do to get going?

For me, I find that I frequently can't leave the house if it's a wreck. Cleaning, ironically enough, helps me get out of the apartment. Maybe it's something about coming back to a less depressing place, like I experience every time it's out of shape.

Telling myself repeatedly that it doesn't have to be perfect. Just better. Helps when I'm working on a project that I've been getting obsessive about, like writing.

Have to do a distasteful task? Set a time. Give yourself 20 minutes and then take a 5 or 10 minute break. Go shorter on the timer, if you need to. A little bit at a time is better than nothing. Just accept the small steps.

Accept that you cycle. This one I'm not so good at. I want revolution, to move from nothing to tackling everything all at once. Sometimes small steps are all I can take. Just accept it. And learn to shorten the oscillations.

What do you do?

Lethargy

I feel really lazy. But relaxed.

Just got back from a vacation with the family and it was really fun. No talk of school. No Christmas fight.

My system is so out of whack.

Maybe if I clean the apartment.

Most of all, I feel lonely.

a kind of freezing dread

There's a certain feeling I get.

And I'm getting it right now.

I haven't taken my medication today, and that usually makes it go away.

It's a kind of paralysis. A kind of dread and embarrassment for my life.

I really don't know why I keep postponing taking my drugs.

Sometimes I'm afraid they'll work too well.

Sometimes I'm afraid they won't work at all.

Sometimes I like feeling depressed.